Below are exhibits of the Depression phase of grief, taken from the comment sections of various Bilibili videos and CN forums. Hope this gives y’all a few laughs and general entertainment!
A. “Every character gets a budget of 100 points. Zhongli put 120 points into being handsome, so his gameplay score was made -20 to compensate.”
B. “No wonder he didn’t come out when we were fighting Osial in Guyun Stone Forest. He has the wisdom and self-reflection to know his own flaws.”
C. “I suspect whoever designed Zhongli was an avid fan of Sim City.“
note: someone previously translated this image so I can’t see/translate the original Chinese under the english. But this version was actually being posted on NGA and it still gets the meaning across lol
E. “A boar does more damage when it charges you.”
a. “The boars can break Zhongli’s pillar when they charge. So when are the boars getting their own banner?”
b. “I’m world level 7 and the boars do 600 damage when they run into me. If I don’t put the physical dps gear on Zhongli, his basic attacks only do 300-400 damage.”
F. “Zhongli: And now, the final contract….
Traveler: Alright, here’s the contract: start mining.”
G. “Wow, I’m really impressed by how much love and care Mihoyo puts into their works. They even made such a beautiful showcase for just a 3-star character.”
H. “Truly worthy of being Liyue’s god. It took 2 months for people to realize Keqing’s weaknesses. It took 1 day to see Zhongli’s. 1 day!!”
I. “It’s not that a Geo team needs Zhongli. It’s that Zhongli needs a Geo team.”
J. “This is an age of gods and monsters. Though I cannot watch the common people suffer, I lack the strength for dominion.”
T/N: this shitpost is even more beautiful in CN because it only changes a single character/word from Zhongli’s original line in his trailer. I couldn’t capture the simplicity of the change in English >_<
K. “Zhongli would have been better off as a character skin. I’d rather pull a character skin, that way I can put it onto other characters. Geo was already orphaned enough, and they’re still finding ways to strip it of features.”
T/N: Geo is sometimes jokingly referred to as the “orphan” of the elements, especially since the Chinese phrase for orphan explicitly includes the word for “alone”.
L. “Now you see why Massage Specialist Ke idolizes Rex Lapis. It’s because Rex Lapis is worse than her, so this way people will stop making her the butt of every joke.”
T/N: Specialist Ke is CN’s pejorative nickname for Keqing given how poorly Electro reactions treat her in the endgame…. ;-;
M. “Now I have started to understand the actions of the Salt Goddess’s people. I would rather Zhongli have stayed an NPC, instead of being humiliated and depreciated as he is now.
If Zhongli had perished in the story, he would still be that Rex Lapis whose heart watches over all of Liyue’s common people. He would still be that warrior god who wandered the lands and seas.
He wouldn’t be this iron stick who gets kicked and scolded when he attempts to clear a domain.”
N. “Every time I feel Zhongli’s numbers are awful, I’ll open his PV and watch it again.
So handsome!! Ah, the happiness! Mora! EXP books! Skill books! Artifacts! I’ll take them all, boss!
But now I’m already numb. The light in my eyes has already died.”
O. How much love can a person hold in their heart for a fictional character?
All my discomfort and misery now is because I was so eager and excited then. I rushed to take you into my party. But seeing how low your damage is, how your supporting capabilities were outclassed by 4-stars, I first felt it was I who had failed you. I didn’t give you the best equipment and artifacts.
But then when I did give them all to you, nothing changed. Even though my brain understood it was a problem of numbers and data points, my heart felt it was I who had humiliated your character. I watched as the other three members of the party easily performed their duties, my throat swelling up with sorrow and bitterness.
Upon completing his story mission, when the curtains closed on the last scene at Guyun Stone Forest, I sat staring at my computer screen. Ah, how nice, I said.
He wished not for dominion, yet he could not watch the common folk suffer. He left the Salt Goddess’s final belongings to the sea, so this weak and pacifist goddess could at last rest in peace. Perhaps he did so out of pity, or perhaps it was because he felt echoes of sympathy in the similarities between her situation and his own now that he was no longer Morax.
That is the feeling his character gives off: a boulder of stone upon which beats the wind and rain–eternally enduring, yes, but still never able to regain what it was before. Only upon growing familiar with you, will he share with you a glimpse of those bygone events. His words are akin to salt-kissed river water, a slight tinge of salt mixed with nostalgia for the past and exhaustion at the weathering of eons.
The saying goes, “A gentleman’s merits are like jade, warming the hand that touches them.” He once was rock, and the years polished him into jade. His sensibility is his warmth, as warm as the golden lining of his eyes.
A god so powerful he had trouble adapting to the mortal world, yet still holding care and awareness of others in his heart. How could I not love him?
My discomfort and pain is not because I spent money. It is because there are no replacements for such a beautiful person.
Such a perfect character does not come by often. There are only so many seeds with such potential in this world. Yet it was all wasted because of a couple numbers. There will never be a second Zhongli.